Pietor Furan's Advice
by pietoraven36
Summary: Pietor gives you advice on how to avoid an assassination attempt. Please review! This is for anyone looking for a laugh!


My name is Pietor Furan. Hi, hey, hello. Firstly, let me tell you why I'm writing this. It is_ not _for you to get to know me and not for anyone to laugh at.

First of all, I'm not funny. Well my sister thinks I am, but I really don't see why things make her laugh. I am very blunt, which, for some reason equals amusement in some people's minds. Mostly, I laugh at myself. Everyone does it and I know you do. Sitting in your room, while your parents are out, just really thinking about something random. Then you think to yourself, 'I hope no one is listening.' Then you really think to yourself 'Actually it would be really funny if someone was listening.'

I find myself amusing sometimes.

Why do I know this? I don't know. Look who I live with. She's actually quite nice, if you get to know her.

I am a freelance assassin. You probably already know that and that's good. But if you don't know then that means I work for myself and take assassination missions if I want them. I don't know what this helps you with…

So the whole point of my even talking to you is….well….I got asked a very odd question at a conference a little while ago. It was 'What do you do if an assassin is running toward you?'

Honestly, I looked at the person with a look on my face. To me it's obvious, but…..yes there is a first step in what to do.

No I don't want to protect you, but this is advice coming from Pietor Furan on how to avoid assassins….

You know, most people would say 'You are going to die' and yes that is usually true, but there is an even better first step than thinking that.

The brave would say 'Turn and face them.'

….uhhhmm…brave people in today's world aren't there?

Sure, you can call me brave, but if they are coming to assassinate you then…uh…yeah..unless you're trained of course…..

The wise ones say 'Keep your wit, fight to the death, and don't give any information away that you view as valuable.'

Not bad, but still not quite right.

Now then again it depends on the kind of assassin attempt you are facing.

If it's the regular 'I'm going to stab you' then that's okay because maybe you have a chance to do the first step I will later tell you about.

But when it's the 'I shoot you from a mile away, because my aim is so fantastic.' and they kill you then really you don't need a first step. Technically, they would not be called an assassin though. That's a sniper.

Are you ready for the first step?

Some of you are already thinking you know it and know what I am going to say. Others are reading this and thinking 'alright, yeah, get to the point.'

I know I move fast, but you can't rush me with this stuff.

I have trained many assassins. Period. Dot. The end.

You have probably heard of my greatest project, Raven. Yes, I did train her.

I don't want your opinion.

She is a talented fighter, I'll give her that, but in my point of view, she has no gumption. Call me rude and insane, but...

Most of the assassins I train are good and do well, but don't usually succeed past the Glasshouse, because they're weak.

I'm not weak. Raven is close to that level.

If _she_ was running toward you, I can't give you hope unless I, for some reason out of this world, wanted to protect you. I could save you from her, but don't count on it.

If Raven is running at you, katanas drawn don't attempt to fight her. Or me for that matter. It is pointless.

In that situation, well not _me, _but if you are sadly untrained then you should try and reason with her. She isn't insane these days, although she used to be. If you say the right things, I'm sure you could get her to soften. Don't beg. Ever. We do not succumb.

Well Natalya might, if you were a child, or young woman, but on the other hand, why would any assassin be trying to kill them?

Okay, getting a little off track here. I'm not talking about Raven in this one.

The assassin is at your back, say ten feet away. They are holding a knife and looking murderous.

What do you do?

Are you ready for my advice?

Yes?

Here we go….

Run.

Run fast.

Run as fast as you possibly can.

I know…I _know_ it's simple, but I never said you were going to _live_ through this. You might though, given enough speed.

Really, it's pathetic when people stand still at that point. Move!

That is my advice to you. Run. People don't usually conclude to that.


End file.
